All of my ramblings on one site ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the pines, in the pines, where the sun don't ever shine I can't manage to write anything meaningful in the way an experienced but not burnt out author writes a story. Here's a list instead, open up. Christmas with my family was great. But boy was that only the beginning. Hunter drama, becoming fearful of Morgan and my moms lives because my brother is homicidal and suicidal and has been for a very long time. I don't know if he would ACTUALLY hurt my mom and sister but if I heard that he did, I wouldn't be surprised at all. He charms me, even. He sucks me in to his world and I wilt. So instead I aggressively ignore, and then play really nice and casual in person. I'm terrified of him but I don't want him to know that, so I pretend he's an innocent hurt little boy, which is also actually true. But not anymore. He's big and mean and attempted to overdose on purpose in November. I go without weed for many days and feel horrible awful. I meet a friend from middle school for lunch and she insisted we take selfies, claimed I was her rock in middle school, and said she loves me publicly over instagram. Come home Anouk rearranges parts of our house. I'm pissed. I have to help them move but I'm SO mad at them and don't want to help at all. They keep insisting I come down stairs, so I reluctantly go, and find out that Fay and Mike are pregnant! So we're all crying together. Then I begin to resent Fay the same familiar way that I always have. She's always gotten better treatment than Devin. Her mental health was prioritized above his, her physical health, she got to have a private room. Devin ALWAYS got the short end of the stick. I have many resentments against her. She tells me what to do and it drives me INSANE. I get so mad that I cry and make up a lie about how I'm afraid of going back to work, which actually isn't a lie it's totally true but not the reason I was crying at THAT moment. So I cried more because I compounded the two things together. Devin and I have wonderful amazing blissful sex. So sensual and romantic. Good lord. I get into a car accident this morning. Car 1 cuts off car 2, car 2 breaks to dodge car 1, car 3 slams into back of car 2, and car 4 (me) slams into car 3 from behind. We exchange info on the side of 95 and I can't help but notice how much trash was around us. Why is the highway here such a dump? I go to work. Tell Theresa the whole story as I dry my hands. My boss tells me to go home because I tell her my neck and shoulder hurt. I had the whole speech ready to go in my head: "My neck and shoulder hurt a little bit but I want to be here and if it's too bad I'll go home yada yada". She didn't even let me open my mouth. I was heading home. Despite having just been in an accident, I drove to the only walk in clinic I knew how to get to without a GPS. Their location is permanently closed, but all signs are still there. I drive to the one by my house. Closed for New Years Eve. I come home and ask Devin to take me somewhere because I'm too freaked out to drive all over town to find a walk in. Anouk gives us a number and an address. We head straight to the clinic and 4 hours later (10 of which was actually with the Dr) I have a doctors note, a script for ibuprofen and something else, and many days of rest and pain ahead of me. Come home after all this to find out that Betty White died today. I'm not even sad, she had a long, wonderful life and we can't keep her forever. 7:01 p.m. - 2021-12-31 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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