All of my ramblings on one site ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Edible Wild Plants Weed and alcohol takes up all of my budget. Will power doesn't help. AA doesn't help. Hiking doesn't help. Nothing helps. I want more and more and I've lied and stole for it. I'm an addict. I can't pace myself. It's all I think about. This morning I thought wow, I'm so glad to be sober right now. I don't need to smoke. I'm gonna be productive today. And then next thing you know, I'm high as fuck cleaning my house and talking to nobody. It's SO expensive. It's nearly ALL of my budget every week. $60 a pop. Per week. I only get $95 a week to spend, and I still have to buy lunches, breakfasts, and snacks for work. What if I want to splurge? What if I need new underwear? What if I want a concert ticket? I could cheat and spend the money behind Devin's back. I've done it in the past with weed AND alcohol. I don't want to do that anymore. I feel pinned against the wall. I want to be compassionate with myself. I want to buy experiences instead of highs and I want to be a sober, normal, happy person. Maybe not sober but I want to have a healthy relationship with drugs. I just don't think that I can. A huge, cold glass of wine sounds lovely right now. I don't want to die like my dad. I need new coping skills. Beyond meditation and medication. Prescribed or otherwise. I think Dr. Phil would say "I don't ask myself 'why?" I ask myself 'why not? If my dad died, I was navigating a rocky relationship on the path to stability, learning to budget, feeling overwhelmed at work all the time, I'd want to stay high too" Thanks Dr Phil My throat is tight, my nose burns, I need to shower. I can smell my vagina from here. It's not a bad smell, just a semi ripe human body smell. I should've done my nails today. But alteast I swept, organized, made dinner, and made a few things for lunches for work. Tomorrow I need to pick up my prescription from Walgreens at 9 am, bring coffee, go for a quick walk, go home and get ready (makeup) for work. Let's go to the mill in Pawtucket. If you get in the shower now, I'll rub your pussy ;P Maybe we can suck the life out of Devins cock tonight. I love to hear him moan, I love the soft skin of his cock in my wet mouth. I love licking the tip and rubbing it on my lips and tongue. I love to stroke his cock fast and slow against my petal pink nipples and lick it like an unstable ice cream every so often. I love when my moaning makes him moan even louder. I loooove to please him. I feel like my nipples are finally cured since my dad died. I love feeling like Devins silly little girl. I love when he spanks me and lets out a sexual yet threatening snort, like an orc having his way with the helpless young farm girl. Locking my diary is the best thing I ever did. It feels good to type about such nasty things so freely. Maybe one day I'll open it to see if anyone reads it, then lock it again. 9:09 p.m. - 2021-12-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||
