All of my ramblings on one site ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sometimes I love the way you swing the blade at everything in sight So I got a fifty cent raise today. That doesn't sound like a huge deal, but the minimum is 25 cents and that's like what everyone gets. You have to contact corporate and get permission to give someone a raise that's higher than that. Okay and my manager really wants me to be a manager. That's also huge, because becoming a Publix manager is reaaaallllyyy hard and there is so much competition, so when you get it that means you were the best of the bunch. In the Publix world I am moving up really fast. In the real world, I don't know. I don't actually want any of these things. The raise, yes. I don't want to be a manager. I don't want to be my mom. Not that what she does is bad in any way, I would just kind of feel like I never found what I was meant to do. I always felt like I'd grow up and do something so amazing. I'd be changing lives and stuff, and doing something that wasn't so restricting on my personality. I changed my appearance dramatically for Publix. I'm tired of it. I want to dye my hair and dress how I normally do. I want to live up north! I want to have snow days and take the bus everywhere and take the train to NYC and do something really artsy. Or work with animals. That would be the ideal thing for me. If I became a Publix manager, that would mean to me that I was too afraid to do anything else. Because Publix and Port St. Lucie are a comfort zone, it's ALL I KNOW. I want to scare myself but I feel like I would be in so much emotional pain if I actually did it. I would miss my family so bad. Especially Morgan. Holy shit I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't see her for more than two weeks. Also what if I didn't get a job. What if I had car issues, my dad wouldn't be there to help me or send me to his mechanic. I would have no friends, not that I really do now but I love the people I work with. I kind of consider them my friends, I love them so much, but they're also the kind of people you do NOT see outside of work, because then it would be super weird. But starting at a new job, people can probably be protective of their clique and shut you out (for a while). So many awkward encounters. But I don't want to die knowing I never left, I never experienced anything else, I've lived and died in the same city. I'm under a lot of pressure from people who actually are doing these things, and moved out of PSL and are doing awesome things (though I'm PRETTY SURE their parents are paying for all that stuff). 10:40 p.m. - 2015-08-12 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||
