All of my ramblings on one site ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's monday morning and I would kill for a chance to drive.. Get so far away from here Johny's been on my mind a lot lately, even though he passed almost two weeks ago. I have a hard time listening to Serj Tankian peacefully, because it reminds me so much of him. It's not that I've been thinking about him sorrowly, just thinking. I see Johny when I listen to Serj, or System of a Down. I don't even know why. It's not like we were best friends. More so aquantacnes, if anything. But still. I went to Kassie's house yesterday so she could drop off her backpack, and I immediatly felt like someone was there. I sat down, and for a second I thought I saw out of the corner of my eye someone smoking. But it was just the tissue box. My heart raced. If only I could've seen him one more time before they burried him. I haven't been cutting much anymore. Now whenever I think of it, it just sounds so morbid. How could I have ever thought it felt good? What really made me want to end my life? I think it's just because I'm happy at the moment. Mainly because I got to see Luke, and found out he wasn't really dead. I thought he was because I didn't talk to him at all yesterday and he wasn't at school this morning. But he came eventually and I was all yay. It's a good thing I have a sore and closed up throat. It's been making cigarettes seem sickening to me. Now whenever I get a wiff of one or see one I want to puke. I also think that's because I'm happy. I'm happy with my friends, and my family's doing ok, and school hasn't been too bad either. Speaking of family, I have my first appointment with Louise on monday. I get a one-on-one 55 minutes with Louise, to talk about whatever I want. Now I'm kind of scared to do it because I can't really think of anything to say to her. Hopefully she'll just ask me a bunch of questions about myself, and take it from there. I want to go to sleep. There isn't anything to do on this damn computer. Gah. 10:37 a.m. - 2009-04-29 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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