All of my ramblings on one site ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Soy la hija de mi padre Heidi asked me what I thought I was missing. I couldn't answer her at first- the question has been swirling around in my head since last Thursday. Then Friday.. "A-ha! It's motivation that I'm missing!" I'm not sure that's true, but I'm getting closer. There's definitely something missing. But I don't think that there's anything that can fill the hole. My interests are too fleeting, my moody is too shifty, my brain is all over the map. What if it's just that I like to get high? I like to not feel in control since there are SO many things I have to control at work, and sometimes at home. I like how relaxed my body feels. I like my silly thoughts and how confident I feel in my appearance. It's going to bankrupt me. I can't afford to buy liquor AND weed vape carts and be addicted to both. But god damn. Being cross faded on prozac, alcohol, and weed feels like a dream. Until the next day. The next day I feel totally empty. I did today. Why wasn't I having a good day? Why am I moody? I cleaned and was productive and high my enttiiiiiiiiiiiiire day off. I can't remember more than a couple of moments throughout the day. One thing is absolutely for certain, I am my father's daughter.
9:25 p.m. - 2021-11-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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