All of my ramblings on one site

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All in all, you're just another brick in the wall

I've almost completely pushed away everyone I was close to

All in all overwhelmed by everything
Having trouble thinking through my next move
Can only think about what I'll lose
What I'll gain after all of this is over
Or will it ever be over?
Am I just going through the "I'm not used to growing up" stage where everything is miserable and adult-like?
It's not my job
It's not Devin (directly)
It's school
College
Time I lose when working to see Devin
Devin freaking me out and forgetting about me
Never getting a break to just sit and relax and not think about anything
Worrying constantly about what Devin's thinking
Worrying about how my mom feels about me
Worrying if I'll even make it to college
Letalone move out of this shithole town
I'm thoroughly tired of worrying
I'm ready to be a homeless
I'm ready to starve and beg and melt
Atleast I won't have to worry about impressing people, or paying for things
Who gives a fuck about my health
I don't need it
I don't need a therapist
I don't need a drink or eight
I don't need my shitty friends
I don't need sleep
I don't need to get married
I certainly don't need kids
I don't need any of you fuckers at all
I'm going to do me for ever
All I need is to do well in school
To save up a lot of money
To get a cheap car
For Devin to quit freaking me out, so I can sleep better
And to move the fuck out of my parents house
Because I'm sick of mom being upset and disoppointed with me
And I'm tired of wondering if she's going to drop me on my head finally
Less than a year
Paying for things will be so difficult
But stressing over that will be better than stressing over how my family feels about me
It will be a nice break for them
And for everyone

I don't have a single person in the world to look after me or care enough to ask me what's wrong, even when I'm laughing and smiling.

But don't let me be so stubborn.
I have a lot of love to give, and through all of the (bad) things that have happened, I always forgive you. I always give you unlimited chances. Don't fool me, I'm so full of gull that it's bull and I don't know how much longer I can hold on to my sanity.

I hate myself and I want to die.

It couldn't me emphasized enough.

9:32 p.m. - 2011-09-17

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The past the present, and the future