All of my ramblings on one site ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Slightly stupid The synthetic spirtual uplift was much needed, especially after today. It's made me want to be honest with everyone, so here we go. Let's hope I don't regret this tomorrow. Dannielle. When you're having a good day, you're so nice and funny. But for the most part (98%) of the time, you're a real bitch who always has the tendancy to put me down at any given moment. You always feels the need to be right and put my in my place when I'm wrong. I think it's because you secretly have a hatred left over for me because I've turned you down so many times. I don't feel comfortable hanging out with you outside of school because I don't want you to develope feelings for me (not to be conceited), but it always seems to happen after a string of days when we don't have an arguement. David, You always seem to be checking up on me to see if I'm doing something wrong. You only acknowledge my existance when something at work goes wrong and I need the store manager over everyone else's help. I'm sick of your attitude and the way you talk to people. Even customers. I also don't like the way you look at my mother, when your wife is so much prettier, birthed your children, and has a much better job. You also have really bad teeth. Vicki, I can't help but feel like we have the same feelings toward everything. It makes me uncomfortable because I feel like you, as well as I, feel obligated to talk to each other because we have no one else in school with the same interests, or anyone who likes us in general or have history with. I wish I could hang out with you more, but for one, you live too far. Two, Jarrod is always with you, so that's a buzz kill and I know you don't like me talking to him, although we never talk or have anything to do with each other unless you're around, which I don't mind at all. And three, I don't like being around pot, which it seems like your entire life revolves around. Mom, Before I got my septum pierced, we had such a good relationship, most of the time. Ever since then, it feels like you're always trying to black-mail me and hurt me in some way. Like when I broke down with your car, and you didn't answer my phone calls because you were too busy talking to your boyfriend. I like him, honestly, and it's not his fault you didn't tend to your own child first. I don't believe it's in his nature to tell you to not pay more attention to us than him. But you seem to be pushing everyone else away and giving most of your time to him instead. I'm aware you're in love with him and all, but come on. You still have children, who may be fucked up and disrespectful sometimes, and may not have grown up to be what you wanted them to be, but isn't that half your fault too? I'm just starting to learn about college and big-girl things that you and dad have never told me about. You're one of the main reasons I can't wait to leave this filthy town. I do appreciate the things you let me do, like smoke, and borrow your car, and be out late, and you're the main reason I have my job, but at times it feels like you'd be so much happier if we lived with dad permanently. I wish you would talk to me more, about how I'm doing, and atleast pretend to care about your kids. Devin, I don't have anything bad to say about you. We all have a shitty past, and I know I shouldn't hold you to it. I do trust you, and you treat me like gold. I really can't trust anyone else, because of the people who have convinced me that I should (the list is too long to put here, but I'll include myself to not be a hypocrite, neighborhood Kevin, Sean, my mom, my dad, and everyone else I know who has cheated). I trust myself very much, now, though. I would never purposely do anything to hurt you. I'd never cheat, never lie, and always let you in on what's going on in my life. Things that I'd like to tell you, and things I think you should know. I'm not hiding anything from you. I wouldn't be in this, and I wouldn't try so hard to keep you happy if I wasn't being true. It would be pointless then. I love you to pieces, and you've heard all this before, I know, but a little reassurance never hurt. You mean so much to me over everyone else, and you have no reason to worry about my intentions. Want to know my real intentions? It's to keep you satisfied for life and keep you happy and feel secure. It's to keep an on-going bond between us for as long as you want. I've never felt closer to anyone. I've never felt such so guarunteed. I want you to be happy, and I do so much for you because you're worth it, and because I can. I miss you everyday. Going even one day without you feels like a mess. Like an indentical twin who has no idea about their other half. I wish you wouldn't worry so much, and it kills me that you're so sad all the time. You're crazy to think I look down upon you for not having a job, or even your license. I know you want it so bad, and that you're trying. And I really respect that. When you feel like giving up on yourself, I feel like putting in so much more effort to keep you going. I know you can do it. Especially now that you're not on drugs. I think if you were never introduced, you would've done wonderfully in school. I believe in you. You're so smart, and your interests are so interesting. You could do anything you wanted to if you really stuck to it. That's why I want to take you to school with me when I move out. I'm so proud of you for keeping sober (with pot), more and more every day. I never thought it would happen, or that we would happen. But I thank what ever higher being there is that I have you, each and every day. I could keep writing, but I think I'll save it for our book. Alyssa, I started out hating you. I thought you were a threat to me. Turns out, we were exactly the same. With the same self-destructive impluses. We've grown very close over the past (idek how many) years. And now, I can see right through you. You never wanted me around, unless you were bored. I never meant more to you than anyone else did. I considered you my best friend for the longest time. When it turns out you're probably in it just for the attention, just to be out of your house. You were always about yourself. The last time I saw you, I was heart broken. All you did was talk about yourself, and I was happy for you, that you were going to a good college. But you didn't even care about how I was feeling, and you spent most of your time at my house talking and kissing up to my father. He loves you to death. He probably expects me to be like you. Let him be disoppointed, because I'm going to a communtiy college. Not that he has high expectations anyway. But let's get back to you. You've always been an attention whore. Why did I never let you come over my moms house? I didn't want all of Devin's attention on you. You do that to people. You're manipulative. I miss when we could talk about anything, and you'd understand, and listen. But recently, it's only been about you. I think I may be done here. I feel disrespected 80% of the time, whether it be at work, at school, or at either homes. I can honestly say there are only a few people I like, and only one person I can acutally go to for anything. And since we're being honest, if I lose that one person, I would lose everything that I am. I know I sound dramatic, but after putting so much into one person, and letting them in on your entire life and having everything you do and are remind you of them, it would be absolutely unbearable to life after such a tradgedy. Let's hope that doesn't happen. 12:42 a.m. - 2011-09-04 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||
