All of my ramblings on one site
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Il me faut...
We pull in, you make a comment about retards, I make a sarcastic remark not meant for you to hear and turn to get out of the car when you grab my arm and ask what I said. Noting your kidding expression, I retract my arm and say louder what I mumbled. Your expression changed in under a second and so quickly my night would be ruined. You struck my, twice. My face felt like it had been disfigured and I jumped out of the car to run to the bathroom inside of the Wendys I thought we'd have a nice time in. I isolated myself in my room, my nose stuck in a book, and I expected atleast some excitment although I dreaded leaving 'the cave'.
I hated you the whole time I sat in there, embarassed by my swollen eyes. It must have looked so immature to anyone walking by. Why would you let me embarass you like that? Why couldn't I just stay in the bathroom like I had planned? I sit in the bathroom for a half hour every day of the week, I can handle however long it takes you to eat.
On the ride home, I didn't cease to sit in the front with you like I always do. I didn't want to make myself seem weak. Every movement you made caused me to jump and my heart sting. I've been scared of you like this before, this was something I should have been used to as well.
I knew the anger wouldn't last long. Once we got home we would simmer down and not bring it up again. I'd read and come out to accompany you in watching the stupid shows you love.
And that's how it was. This, mixed with thinking about Johny, and the worry about my drug test monday, somehow not being able to pass it even though I haven't touched weed since the 21st of December. Also mixed with the contagious anxiety the main character in my book has. Books have that kind of affect on me, which is why I had to put it down for the first time all day, not counting when we left to eat.
All these things put me in a nutshell and I hate thinking whoever's reading this is comparing me to any other girl who's had a bad day, blabbing about it in bulletins and status updates.
I'm also so worried about Michelle and Jarrod. They never caught Chris, their moms exboyfriend, who ran off after bailing himself out of jail and coming back in the morning to get his things, and continiued to beat up on Jarrod. I'm so scared he'll come back and do something worse. I'm also worried that I can't be there for Michelle, with her whole deal with her girlfriend going on.
I was supposed to go to her house yesterday, but her girlfriends girlfriend caused a lot of drama and the cops were called on her, and I guess Michelles mom didn't want to mix me in the drama as well.
I know I'll be alright when I wake up. That I'm sure of. Nothing will change, but this dread will flow away as I sleep, as it always does.
I think I'm done here.
9:46 p.m. - 2010-01-23
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The past the present, and the future
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