All of my ramblings on one site ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Shadowfax I work two more days, then I'm taking a road trip to Portland. I want to visit their Cryptozoology museum and walk on the beach. I'll get Cracker Barrell on the way home, as per tradition. Next month I'll take a trip to Satan's Kingdom in Massachusetts. Mandy passed away the day after I wrote my last entry, and Jarrod woke up yesterday. They're having a fundraiser on March 27, and I really want to visit but not sure I can afford it, especially since I'll have to quarantine for 10 days when I come back. I wish I could get the vaccine already to feel even some sense of security in this pandemic, especially working with the public every day. Valentines day is always a bummer for me, as is most other holidays except Christmas. I love love, and I love to give, but it never feels returned. The effort never feels matched, but forced. I wish loving me was easy and effortless. I know it isn't my fault, and neither is it his. Maybe after all this time we just aren't right for each other. Sometimes it feels great and whole and right, other times it's incredibly lonely. Maybe I should bring up couples therapy again. I had a sore throat the other day, and looked with a flashlight into my throat to see what was going on back there. I discovered a great white spot on my protruding tonsil. My inital reaction is "holy shit, is this strep throat?" I start googling, soon to discover a great anomaly called tonsil stones. The pimple popper aficionado in me got right to work. A glass of salt water, my flashlight, oldies music in the background, and enough q-tips to stock a Walgreens. After insessant gagging, tears, and deep breaths, I popped that stinky sucker out and held it against the light on the end of a saliva soaked q-tip for investigation. How long had it been there? What would it register on the Mohs hardness scale? Is this the reason I taste burnt metal every morning? What percent of this butter ball is made of Lindor truffles? Then I discover videos much more satisfying than pimple popping, but tonsil stone extracting. If you're infatuated with gross shit like me, please check this out. You will not be disappointed. They asked me to be a coach at work, which is such a great honor. I get to wear a big patch that says "Coach" and new hires know they can come to me for advice and to ask questions and such. I show them around the store, teach them the various acronyms, introduce them to everyone, and so on. Thanks to yoga, tangerine sparkling water, and painting, I haven't had a drink in quite a few days. I didn't write down the date and I haven't counted the days, because I figure that will make me linger on the thought of drinking. When I have cravings, I tell myself "okay, well if you want it this bad tomorrow, you can get some beer". Tomorrow comes, and I tell myself the same thing. My will is weak, so I'm worried about the day that I say "fuck it". But that day isn't today, so I won't worry about it.
8:26 a.m. - 2021-02-15 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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