All of my ramblings on one site


Big Thunder Mountain

Considering what I should do as a career has always been a major source of anxiety for me. I've done all the "what career should I do" tests, read about many careers, and have changed my major multiple times (human services, film, general education, history). I've considered nearly all careers under the sun including trades.

I wonder if I'm just one of those people who doesn't have a cut and dry career choice that is perfect for me. I mean, I'm sure that I do, but it would be one of those that are so impractical that I better just not even consider it. I do, however, want to be educated. It would be nice to have a meaningful career that I don't have to take home with me, one where I'm not sitting for 9 hours a day, one where I'm not by myself, one that is important and beneficial to society, one that's not so stressful that I can't handle it. Am I destined to be in customer service roles all my life?

I got promoted to full-time at work today. Honestly, I could stay there and retire nicely. The work isn't great, it can be very stressful, and it's not noble or impressive in any way (except my ability to no longer cry every time I'm yelled at by an irate customer or my ability to be helping a customer on the phone and in person at the same time, and I'm pretty sure all the lumber-slinging is making me a little stronger every day). I work with good, educated people who figured it wasn't worth being in debt anymore and struggling to find a job in their field. Are they happy? It doesn't seem like it, though they put on a good show for customers.

I wonder if becoming an adult is realizing that your dreams don't always come true, and sometimes you have to dig a little deeper and look a little closer at all the wonderful little things that happen during the day to make it all feel worth it. Or that there's nothing wrong with not having a big fancy career and degree to back it up. My biggest grief while living back home was the mass of embarassment I felt for working at a grocery store, while all the kids I went to highschool with would come back over the summer to visit their families, and I'm still there.

I could just own it, and make every bit of my life as enjoyable as possible. Cook us nice meals, get out of the house on days off, keep creating stuff, apple picking, pumpkin carving, going for hikes, taking naps when I want to, watching movies with my husband, keep making good memories.

I'm rambling at this point. I know, logically, that there's nothing wrong with staying in retail your whole life, especially when you get great perks, benefits, and job security. But for whatever reason, it doesn't feel good enough for me. But I don't even know what else I would do. There are so many things that I like, but they all seem to point toward nonexistant, or overly-romanticized, or completely impractical career choices.

11:21 p.m. - 2020-10-12


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