All of my ramblings on one site ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Boys like you are a dime a dozen We made it! We really did the thing. We live in Rhode Island now We have new jobs, which we both like (Tropical Smoothie woohoo) We're in an actual house which is really nice My self hatred still burns like a thousand suns My relationship with my husband hasn't improved I still feel alone and ignored (video games and reddit over me forever) I know relationships never stay the same as they are in the beginning, but I still crave the deep connection and learning from one another I crave to be held and reassured that I'm loved His idea of time together is literally being in the same place at the same time, even if we're not doing something together My nagging doesn't help. There's nothing that I could do differently. There's no one I could be more like. There's no amount of cleaning or cooking or face/body modifying that I could do that would change anything. No amount of unconditional love or immeasurable rage can make him see from my perspective. I can only be exactly as I am now, and that's going to have to be good enough because no matter what I try and how furious it makes me, there is nothing I can do to change anyone. Same thing with everyone else. I feel incredibly inadequate in all eyes, and my downfall is trying to be good enough for everyone. If only detaching were as easy as putting everyone around you on an undeserving pedestal 12:01 p.m. - 2017-03-16 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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