All of my ramblings on one site

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I don't even have the words to describe what I feel. This whole thing is a mess. My heart is hurting so badly. We lost so many people. I'm so sad for their families. I'm so sad for the murderers father. I talk to Saddique Mateen, the shooters father, all the time at work. He's told me about living in Afghanistan, what it was like growing up there. He sent money to his remaining family in Afghanistan and Pakistan. He would tell me that so-and-so is in Pakistan now, because it's getting really bad in Afghanistan, and vise-versa.

I'm sad for the Muslim people. I'm sad that Americans are turning their backs on their Muslim brothers and sisters because of extremists. Extremists who hide in plain sight and only exist with the intent of making sure all else cease to exist. I'm sad that there are news vans and police cars barricading the Islamic Center of Worship I pass on my way to work. I'm glad they're there to protect them, but I'm sad that it takes such length to feel protected in this country. I remember yesterday on my way to work, driving by the Islam Center, which neighbors a Bikers Chapel, and feeling grateful to live in such a melting pot culture. Then as I enter work, no one talks about anything except what happened in Orlando the night before.

I'm sad for people of color, Muslim or not, who are fearing for their lives. I went to a liquor store after work yesterday, and the clerk was telling me how he is afraid for his life because people may mistake him for a Muslim (he is a Hindu). As he tells me this, the reality of my privilege hits me like a brick. I'm ashamed to be part of a race that hates blindly.

I'm sad for all who are lost to this tragedy. I looked at all of their photos. I read all of their names. I studied their faces. They were all so beautiful. These were lovers, fighters, hard workers, students, friends, family, advocates, warriors, mothers, fathers, and neighbors. These were people who did not want to die. These were people just having fun.

The worlds spot light is on us, gleaming with support and advocacy. It's on my home town, where the shooter is from. It's on my second home, Orlando, the only place I'm at if I'm not in Port St. Lucie. It's where my brother lives, where my old friends live. Where the "Happiest Place on Earth" is.

This was senseless, and I'm so angry and so sad that it happened. This has to end, and nothing is going to be solved with more hatred.

Hatred will not prevail

3:43 p.m. - 2016-06-13

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