All of my ramblings on one site

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So close, no matter how far.

Yesterday, we were awoken with the news that my Grandma had passed. But
that made no sense. She's not very old, and her health was not an
issue. We rushed to her house to find police men and caution tape
barricading her and my Grandpa's house. My Grandpa sat on the sidelines
crying and confused. Long story short, we found out she had shot
herself in the driveway. Walking to my car to grab my smokes, I saw her
body on accident. It was absolutely horrific. This was my Grandma who
I've known my entire life, laying out on her driveway, dead. The blood
was horrific, there was so much of it. I'll never forget what I saw.
But that's not even the worst part. We have no idea why she did it. She
never complained, she never went to a therapist, I've never even seen
her mad before at anyone. She didn't leave a note. She was a giver. She
gave all she could and didn't ask for anything back. We'd make fun of
her for offering us soda a hundred times and calling my sister and I
handsome, because "girls can be handsome, too". We'd say, if we had
ever killed someone and told my grandma, she'd say "That's okay, you're
still so handsome! Would you like a soda?". She was the sweetest person
on earth. She had a very warm vibe and was always happy to see you. We
have no idea why this happened. I've never even heard of a grandma
committing suicide.

Later when my dad was scrubbing the blood off of the driveway, a green butterfly kept trying to land on his scrub brush. I'm so certain that was her. Her house was decorated with butterflies and her favorite color was green.

The cops stood around and laughed about their hats and stupid shit, I was so fucking upset. Like it was some kind of routine suicide. I wanted so badly to tell them to go fuck themselves, but they'd done so much to help us beforehand.

I love and miss her so much. What a tragedy.

6:09 p.m. - 2013-07-08

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