All of my ramblings on one site

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Smiles and her laughter

It's the only thing that I've been waiting for

This is what I do in school

1.30.11
<3Love is..
putting your fears in the back of your mind to avoid being scolded or laughed at <3 letting your significant other push you around and put you down when they had a bad day, and still being there for them <3 never going out of your way to make your significant other feel secure <3 always being automatically defensive <3 feeling sick to your stomach constantly <3 being able to ignore the person who needs you most for a day <3 tremors <3 hiding how you feel <3 being hopeless <3 having no apetite <3 relapsing <3 degrading yourself <3 setting yourself up for nothing <3

So tell me you'll love me forever again

2.4.11
Auerbach;

"Did you compliment yourself today?"
Can't say that I did.. Plans are changing every single day, and quite frankly I hate it. I'm supposed to be moving to Orlando next year to pursue my interior designing dream. I'm supposed to get my beetle and hit the road. But now it doesn't seem likely.
For fear of financial instability, I'm planning on going to IRSC to make up all of my average grades and then try to go to school for pharmacy technology. If I take that back to Public, they'll reimburse my tuition.

2.9.11
I want to: start going to a gym
go to Barnes N Noble
stop going to therapy
finish my walls
go to Micaels
get my hair cut
redo my nails
start taking acid-reducers
think of an idea for a tattoo
get a tattoo
pierce my tragus

Here comes the sun

Ever since I quit taking St. John's Wort, I think I've been going crazy. But I refuse to cave in to your bullshit and let you make me feel bad all the time. I will no longer put myself down to save you.

2.15.11
Me and Mike broke up. He found someone elses face at a party a lot more interesting than mine. Good riddens.

2.25.11
Period 1- English

This weekend I was only sober at work. Other than that, I was either high off my ass or shitfaced.

Things are getting to the point where all I want to do is smoke and sleep. I hate math. I think I'll go to art college.

3.3.11
I love our play figting. I love your originality. I love your logic. I appreciate the attempt at artifical sympathy.

3.8.11
And I suppose that although your presence, and any action, absolutely eats me alive, I should appreciate your attempts, whether they're pitiful or not. I should stop talking shit as well. And because you sing and butcher the best of music, it just makes you more confident and outgoing than me.
And I shouldn't assume that you talk like you have down syndrome because it sounds cool to you. Really, why do you talk like that?

3.9.11
If I could fill my life with originality and surround myself with various art forms, I would be content.
If I didn't speak out in public and become the wallflower I used to be, I would stop embarassing myself.
If I didn't get so hopeful every time I was told that I'm liked, I'd probably have more respect for people in general.
I hate all of my friends.
Walking into school is a bigger challenge ever day.
Bagging becomes more unbearably embarassing every time I go to work.
There's new bullshit every day.
I'm sick of spending a half hour doing my hair.
I HATE BLUE PENS

3.11.11
I suppose everyone feels like this at some point. A step down from being an egoist. I feel uneasy admitting it, but I believe I could give someone gold, even if all I'm getting is silver. If it's this way, why is it I sleep with a space in my bed? Zelda is a beautiful name and a game I've never played.

3.27.11
I can't be in school anymore. I will go fucking bulistic. I want to get away from everyone. I am not a people-person, so to surround myself with people who are is embarassing and degrading. I fit nowhere.

9:05 p.m. - 2011-04-07

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The past the present, and the future