All of my ramblings on one site

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kbai

This isn't who I wanted to be.

Zombified by prescription and nauseated by every tile and decoration in this house. Day one was satisfying and breath takingly simple. Day two was throwing your roses in the woods. Day three was putting your carefully talentedly beautifully drawn pictures in my closet. Day four was a relapse, realizing that I'm really alone- no matter how much I try to occupy myself, inebriate myself, or sleep my life away. Anything to make you completely dead to me. This is not the kind of ex girlfriend I wanted to be. Every other break up was so much less painful and always resulted in only missing the other person, instead of this hatred and resentment that you've driven into my head. And the fact that your shadow is so hard to get rid of is causing me to starve on what is good and binge on what is typically frowned upon. But you haven't won. Because I know I'm a better person than you. You make me absolutely sick to my stomach. How could you have slept at night while a girl who was so in love with you and would've sacrificed everything for you was kept up just reminiscing the past few months, while you were thinking about someone else? Dont lie to me, Mike, Dani and the other bitch were on your mind the whole fucking time. And you fucked with my head about your feelings for her and your entire being is just one big mind fuck and I could never believe another word you say ever again. That's why I must delete you. Delete you from facebook, my phone, and my life. Thanks for wasting the past four months of my life, and proving me right.

Also, incase you were wondering...

I never broke any of our promises.
I never smoked pot or did pills after I promised.
I never cheated on you.
I talked to Luke on the phone until four in the morning complaining about the shit you caused me. So thanks for that too. I don't give a fuck anymore.

The talks about 'real' people? You should never have even tried. You're the farthest thing from real that I've ever met. You'll tell your next girlfriend that I was a typical girl who couldn't accept your flaws and was always crazy and whatever, but you have no fucking idea. There is SO much worse. I NEVER went through your phone or your messages or anything.

Anyway, good luck in life I guess. Talk to me in about a year when I'm dead or something.

10:34 p.m. - 2011-02-18

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The past the present, and the future