All of my ramblings on one site
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I'd rather stop now if you won't open up.
Tonight I'm going to do what I do best. ME. I'm going to decorate and clean my room and do everything I want to do. A glass of wine and some tape, scissors, and random snippets of random things. I'm going to cover up all the white spaces on my walls and cover up all of the bullshit I've put aside for tonight. Alas I'm rolling solo but I'm by myself. I own my own time, and for right now that's all I need.
Last night I saw Mike. We went to his house. We cried, we layed together, we kissed, we cried, we sniffled, we took our pants off, left our socks on, we kissed, we talked, we cried. And it was definitely needed more than anything. I'm not giving up on you. I'll be by your side always.
He gave me a note early this morning. Forgot everything that's been pinning me down.
As tough as I've been trying to be, I swore I wouldn't cry and let it out but I did. And I realized that everyone deserves to have a night like that. And that's what me and Mike needed most. I needed to let it out, right infront of him. And I did very succesfully. And as scared as I was that he was going to turn me away, he held me all night and just let me cry. I appreciated it more than anything else he's ever done for me.
Through everything that's happened..I think I'm going to be okay. I wish Mike was here to celebrate my glory mood with me. I need him right now.. I need him to know how much I love and appreciate him. And he needs to know everything that I'm feeling. Even if it doesn't benefit him, or me, he needs to know. He doesn't let me know what he's feeling, but that's him, and he doesn't want to tell me, and I respect that. My family all love him so much. I want him in my life..and I want to be stronger for him. He means more to me than anything. I want to show him who I am and show him what I'm capable of and show him how amazing is he and show him how he makes me feel, good and bad.
Mike, you really kill me sometimes but you cease to amaze me every time I see you: with the rose, with the note, with the palmers, with your words, with the picture, with your hugs.. they're all keeping me going. I'm not giving up on you babe..I promise.
9:55 p.m. - 2011-02-12
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The past the present, and the future
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