All of my ramblings on one site

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I simply can't do this.

Quit therapy
Still loathe pot. More and more every day.
I've become content with the fact that nothing will be the same, and that my best friend is a sociopath who is probably really fake towards me. Atleast that's what my [ex]therapist said, but I don't believe it. And that's what makes me the victim to a sociopath; I'm letting him win. Who cares.
I've got a 4.0 for the time being. Hope it stays that way.
My mom's been scaring me with future money problems. The fact that I will not be able to afford a car, or insurance, or gas. Atleast not all at once. Over the course of a year, I've saved up $1000, and I get my liscence in July. That's not even enough to buy a years worth of insurance, or even an okay car.
As much as I'd like to say I don't care about shit, leaving you at school today made me feel more sick than I already did. I imagine you sitting at lunch alone, and it makes me want to barf. You sitting there, not eating or talking to anyone, pondering the events following you and Daniels break up, dying on the inside. And an empty seat across from you, and it tears me apart. Christian said you weren't mad that I left, and I hope he was right.

And as for the rest of you,
I really, totally, simply, don't. care.
This close to relapsing. If I don't care, why would I do that? Well because I don't care.

Because I've created a world where everyone is no more than a Barbie with real eyelashes and underwear that isn't tattoo'd on. Where it's warped my brain into thinking the best is really the worst and should be completely avoided. Ex: Marriage, relationships, children, college, religion. I wish I could dare myself to give up. But I'm too stupid and too much of a push over. Did you hear that, everyone? Get in line.

10:27 p.m. - 2011-02-10

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The past the present, and the future