All of my ramblings on one site

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Lapse

I'm really not sure who I am.
And this is a bad time to realize it, because it's almost time for a final decision.
If everything happens for a reason, then am I really a clean working straight A student?
Or am I covering myself up and wanting to unleash what interests me most?
I want to go to conserts and dye my hair and peirce every part of my face and have fun with random people I'll never see again
If you're supposed to make the most out of life, why is my hair brown and why don't I have a ton of friends? Why am I full of the past? Why do I have a job?
But then again..
I have a job. I'll be driving by myself next year. I love playing piano and I'm currently learing guitar. Whatever aquantances I have are awesome. My boyfriends awesome. I'm going to France next summer. But then what? What about when they ALL leave for college next year? Or drop out? Or die? Then what?
I don't have a back up plan. You think I'm so successful, but I've never lived. Not long enough to really enjoy it.
I appreciate it but I hate it so much sometimes.

12:11 a.m. - 2010-08-29

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The past the present, and the future