All of my ramblings on one site

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Rantrantrantrant

So..

I start working saturday. I'm really nervous, me being the noob and all. I hate me some noobs. Plus ten times more pressure seeing as my mom's going to be working ten feet away from me.

School's been fine.
Really scared for a the future of a friendship. Rejection and all. She's a really good friend..but..

I've been passing. Doing every bit of extra credit offered, no missing assignments. And as far as France, I'm scared about that too. That's really all I'm working toward. And it's not even a definite, the school board hasn't even approved the trip, and I'll never make it to fund raisers, being that they're all on saturdays and those're the days I have to work every week, with the most hours.

I don't know how neighborhood friends are working out. Them being high all the time, me not wanting to be around that shit at all. Which scares me a lot about me and Michelle, too.

When I went to her house, all she did was smoke out. We barely talked.. And I'm afraid that's going to ruin us.

I don't even want to drink anymore..it's ruining my stomach. I've gotten back to being nauscious all the time, and everything is repulsive to me. Whenever I think of drinking, I'm afraid of getting a hangover, which for me is never headaches, always vomiting..And I'm so tired of vomiting. And I'm tired of being with my neighborhood friends..always so much drama and me always being caught in the middle, being forced to take sides, then being dropped by not picking either. I'm so over it.

I'm tired of smoking..I'm tired of drinking..I'm tired of drama..I'm tired of waiting for thursdays to come. Although they're always so worth it when they get here. And I'm tired of hurting people. Constantly, all the time. When I try so hard to say the right things, they're always thrown back in my face.

I just want one night, I'd kill for one night to just spoon with someone. Seriously.

I could say things are going well with my working toward France, yet killing my childhood, yet helping me toward whatever future I have.

I'm out of stories and crazy experiences. You know the all of my stories. I don't want them to end now. I'm only fifteen once.

But then again, where would I be if this France trip never came up?

Probably still smoking weed, failing school, up to no fucking good, failing at life like I was about to start doing.

I love this and hate this at the same time

8:11 p.m. - 2010-02-04

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