All of my ramblings on one site
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Love me hate me but can't you see what I see
DearMichelle,
You are the light of my life. Words can't describe how much I seriously miss you. You ARE my bestfriend, no matter how many cooler friends you get at your new school, in your new town, in your new neighborhood.
Whenever you need me, I'm just a phone call away. I'm always here for you mama bear. We can't let distance ruin our friendship.
And start picking up your damn phone ):
I love you so much Michelle.
In other news..
Yesterday was probably the most miserable day of my life. I woke up to my almost boss calling me to tell me she wanted me to come in for a second interview and a drug test. I told my mom about it and she asked me if I was going to pass. I said no. I've smoked weed once this month, ONCE. Ider the last time I did it. Sidenote: I don't want any lectures from you. I know what I did was stupid and wrong. And I hope you don't get mad and I expect you to be disoppointed but please don't bash me..
Anyway, so my mom freaked out and cussed me out and I cried for a while, and then she called me dad and told him and I gave him $50 of mine to get me a detoxifying drink that's meant to clean out your system of pollutions and toxins in which in my case means the cannibis. It was grape flavored. Not my idea, and already a pretty dumb idea, cause I hate grape drinks. Anyhow, so I drank most of it an hour before the interview, when I start feeling sick to my stomach. I hate a shower to get ready and to also make my nausea go away. My mom knocked on the door while I was showering and she forced me to drink the rest, but I didn't because I knew I was going to throw up. She started yelling again and it worked me up to the point of me actually puking up my entire soul. So my mom left me and I got back in the shower, just laying there, dehydrated and crying and gagging up nothing and choking on..nothing. I couldn't wash my body or my hair because the aroma of the soap made me even sicker. So I got out and pathetically put on interview clothes and decided I needed to just tell them the truth. Just my luck the cold front had ended that day, so it was a good 90 degrees out and about 100 in the car. We got to publix (where I'm trying to get a job) and the manager wasn't ready for me yet so I roamed the store like a zombie until she called me on the intercom. I shook her hand and sat down and we talked for a bit. It took me everything I had not to cry or gag or burp throughout the whole thing. I have a pretty damn good idea I didn't impress them at all. They asked me what my hobbies were and I had no idea what to say, so I said I don't have anything. Really bad idea. Finally she asked when I would be able to start working and I confessed I had messed up a week ago and that I had to resign from the drug test. The manager and the other manager gave each other unsurprised looks and asked me a bunch of questions about it and decided to wait a month and call me back. Fuck, am I lucky or what? They could have booted me out right THERE. And they could've made it to where I could never apply there again. But they didn't. Someone's definitely looking out for me.. (I love you Johny) When I was done, we shook hands and I thanked them for the second chance, and walked to the car and bawled my eyes out. I went home and laid down for a while then. So much relief had passed through me that it felt unreal. And before all of this, at about 12AM, something hit me about the past so bad that I relapsed.. worse than I ever had. I wanted to be DONE. I don't want to hear that shit ever again..and if you bring it up with me I won't even talk to you..I have to get over this. It's not my problem anymore. I'm..really glad I had you to pull me through it though. Thank you so much..
4:39 p.m. - 2009-12-31
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The past the present, and the future
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