All of my ramblings on one site

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About a son

I wish I could have been in the same area, the same time as you. I wanted to know you and hang with you. Play with you. I wish I could've been the person to hold you back from your worst. I have this conceited feeling that I could have been that person, if only I was there. If I wasn't still the growing fetus that I was. If I was my mom's age then. We have more in common than anyone knows, and I get peculiar looks and unfair judgements from it, like I'm this stalker and psycho. I've known people to be like that, but I don't think they felt like I did. And that makes me a hypocrite most of all. Listening to you is like listening to me in ways I would have never even thought of. I wish you could have stayed longer. Held on a bit longer. A year or five or ten. To watch your daughter grow up. To see that there's light in the places you're scared to look. And in saying this I'm a hypocrite again. You give me this spirit that no one has ever given me, and I wish I knew someone like you in my time and age and area and heart. No one has probably ever listened and understood like me, I think. Maybe I don't even understand you. But you just sound so much like I do in my head that it's scary. Everyone that'll read this will judge me for it. I judge me for it. Luke'll judge me for it. Everyone will.
You didn't need the drugs. I don't need the drugs. No one does. Animosity is all it is. I miss you, even though I've never met you. I love you, even though I've never been in your head, or even touched you. I want to be your friend, but you're so gone for it. If you could watch over me and see what I'm saying, you would put me on the list of people saying these same things, and probably wouldn't even appreciate what I feel. This spiritual feeling you give me, and it's not even by your music. I'm not obsessed with you. I don't even know what it is. You would call me everyone else and put me in that crowd of people I don't deserve to be with.

Rocky Dennis deserves you more than I ever had. I'm so happy for you that I don't know how I could have ever questioned it.

Goodnight sunny south florida

1:51 p.m. - 2009-10-24

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