All of my ramblings on one site ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dropkick the punks Kurt Cobain stated in this journal that he had felt nothing for a long time before he killed himself. All the books I've read about someone commiting suicide, they all say they feel nothing prior to doing it. Is that how it is for everyone who does it? They just wait so long that they feel nothing anymore? And then what after that? I talked to my friend sam about what happens after death. He believes in the heaven/hell thing. Then he asked me. Honestly, I believe in reincarnation..because..I can't see it just being a blank nothing for ever. And I certainly don't believe we enter the golden gates of heaven to be judged to see where we go from there. I think that's a bit silly, in my opinion. There has to be more than blackness. Hindu's believed depending how you acted in your previous life would affect how you were in your next life. But I think it all depends. To be honest, I've been thinking about cutting the past two months, and I've never given in. The lust for it is so high sometimes I can't think straight and I completly lose all feeling. To have something take control of you like that isn't even worth it. And now I'm paying for it by having such ugly scars and awkward questions about them all the time. How many times can I get in a bike accident, aspecially when I don't even own a bike? The list of weak excuses I have can go on and on. Lately it's been itching me with such intensities that I try to let myself go with whatever I can. I don't talk to anyone about them. Not even my therapist. What good is it? It just makes people worried, or think you're insane. I'm not to be believed in, like I was once told. So why even bother trying to talk about it. What, do I want attention? Blasphemy, I want someone to hear me out. To the deaf do I speak my problems. To the blind do I cry infront of. To the dead do I go to for help. I'll beat cutting. 9:26 p.m. - 2009-10-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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