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If I stay..

I woke up to a gallstone attack at 730. The whole house was still asleep. The buttons on my phone were lit up saying I got an IM. It was from Luke. I talked to him for about a half hour, still lying in my bed. I kept having weird suicidal thoughts and cried to myself as I held my phone under my pillow waiting for a response to whatever I had replied with. I crept into my living room after deciding it wasn't very healthy to stay in my bed any longer, to find Michelle asleep on the couch, the playstation making it's wave noises on the main screen. To skip all the boring stuff I took a shower, woke up Michelle, and my dad took her home.
Last night was probably the best time I've ever spent with her. And I'm glad I got a second opinion on her before she moved. She's really not..what I exaggerated in my head. Because she does pills and drinks and peirces herself doesn't mean she's a bad person, and I guess I let myself think that. But we just talked about nothing for a long time. Lit stuff on fire. I was sad to think I wouldn't be able to spend a second day with her. I never thought I'd think that.
Today Piper came down to take me to the mall for my birthday. I dolled myself up and climbed out my back window to meet her. When I saw a second person in the car I felt sick. I climbed in the back seat to see it was Randi, her replacment me. Randi was nice, but for some reason she gave off a bad vibe this time. I told stories about things that'd happend since Piper left, and they said nothing. When I was finished they just started talking about other things. I kind of did my own thing when we got to the mall, and they went about together, taking pictures and trying stuff on. Whatever. It got better as the day went on though. I found some pretty cute lingerie that would be my motivation to lose weight. Dimples are starting to mark my legs saying wow fatty. I'm thinking about cutting and redying my hair again too.
So many plans.

2:59 p.m. - 2009-06-26


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