All of my ramblings on one site

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I give her all my love, that's all I do-oo

Only two more days of school left.

This weekend was really crappy. Cept Friday, I went to Lukes house. But saturday all I did was go to the movies with my sister and her third grade class and my brother. We saw UP. It was really freakin sad, but really good. Other than that I spent most of saturday trying to hook up my Sims and eating zebra cakes and flaming hot cheetos. Healthy, right? Luke had a party, but I didn't go because I was afriad of getting shy around his friends and going mute the whole time. I wish there was a cure for that. And Sunday I played more Sims, and then went to my moms house even though I didn't want to. This kid keeps calling my name in a really creepy voice but I'm pretending I'm really into whatever I'm writing. I bet I look just as weird. Anyway, I went to my moms and just hung out with Ashley the whole time. That was my whole weekend. I finally answered this kid and the look he was giving me made me nearly piss myself. God I really wish I wasn't in school. I think I'll take off the last two days.

I'm starting to find it complicated as hell to type down my thoughts in here. It's like, I tell myself they're typical thoughts, so it feels like everyone thinks that as well, so I feel like I might as well just not write them down at all.. Plus I saw something yesterday that made me think low. I wish I could just abandon these thoughts and start over. I hate them and I don't feel like I'm ever going to get by thinking this shit all the time. I hate feeling like there's nothing for me and that everyone's going to leave me and that Luke doesn't love me. I hate telling myself that I want to die and crying every damn time I go to Lukes house. I hate my insecurity. I hate feeling like Luke and everyone else thinks of me so shitty. And that all this could cause me to lose everyone I love. I want to be happy.

10:34 a.m. - 2009-06-08

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