All of my ramblings on one site ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hold me close, until the daylight breaks Luke picked me up at 930, and we headed to wallyworld with his mom. Everything was pretty great until something hit me. I don't know what. I didn't feel like talking or looking at anyone. He thought I was mad he hung out with his friend Taylar and a few other people all day. Maaybe because Taylars a girl and I think all girls are evil apparently. Well, I wasn't mad. I used to not like her very much, but I'm over that. And I could've cared less. So what was it? I don't know. Well I didn't speak a word in WalMart, or on the ride back. We got to his house and he tried fixing his and his moms computers, and everything was chill. I got comfortable enough to talk again, until he snapped. I hate it when he does this. I get so scared he may hurt himself, or me. He finally gave up working on the computers and we went to go lie down in his room. Then he snapped again. I keep trying to tell him I love him, and that everything would be ok..and we both cried on one another. We start to hug and he grips me so tight my back cracked. I was terrified by this and let go of him.. I start to cry even harder and he softens up.. This goes on for ever it felt like. He falls asleep and I try to simmer.. He wakes up and tells me how sorry he is.. The hole time this was going on I kept repeating in my head "I want to die", with background music going "hold me close until the daylight breaks" and then I cried even more.. Finally I stop and we got close and then I cried more. His mom came in his room and broke the news that she was taking me home. I try to hold back my childishness but I can't. We get into the car and I silently let it out. He walked my to my door and kissed me goodnight, promising everything would get better. I open my garage door and the door inside leading to my kitchen is locked. It's never locked. I must've done something to upset my dad.. I don't know what, but I apparently did. I walk to my front door and it's locked, too. Thank god my window was open, so I crawled through that and waved to lukes mom that I was inside. They took off. I get on my computer and see the bottle of Vodka almost empty. I drop to the ground and start crying again. I held myself together and puppet strings picked me up and drug my to my computer. I let Luke know I'm not ok and I just wish I was over there with him again. When I wanted to leave his room so badly.. I was so scared he was going to hit me. Luke isn't that kind of guy but when he gets angry..who knows. I wanted to snap my rubber band..or fall asleep. Who knows what tomorrow may bring me. 2:01 a.m. - 2009-02-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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