All of my ramblings on one site ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Throw some shit on the wall and something will stick" John Waters will be appearing in New York City in April next year, for his 74th birthday. I really want to go, and to meet him. The tickets are $130, and I'll have to take a 3+ hour train ride both ways, by myself. Devin doesn't think it's worth it, but money isn't tight, we would be okay financially. Maybe I'll try to do some side work to make the money, just so that it will feel more deserved and not like a frivilous expense. I'm currently doing a research project on Waters for my film class, I've watched Mondo Trasho and Multiple Maniacs after much digging on the internet. I'm determined to watch about 6 of his films without paying a dime. Sorry, John. I've read multiple articles, watched multiple interviews. He has really opened my eyes to so many things. Mainly, it's given me comfort in knowing that I really don't need to take anything so seriously. Always having been chronically insecure and unsatisfied, this sentiment is so refreshing. A tall glass of water, a much needed nap. One that lasts just the right amount of time, and you wake up better off than when you started. I'm going to New York, and I'm going to meet John Waters. I'm going to earn it. I went to Seattle alone, got by on foot just fine. I can do New York. I find solo travel way more gratifying anyway. Totally overwhelming sometimes, but worth it overall. My film professor was so happy that I decided to go with John Waters as my chosen auteur for this project. Just the flattery that I need to charge my batteries for a little bit. I graduate next summer. It's about time. Next semester I'm taking History of Mathematics and Western Civ 2. Then I graduate, off for the summer, and start RIC in the fall. I'm really proud of myself for getting straight A's since I started in the beginning of this year. Well, with the exception of Astronomy, where I got a B+, but I'll take it. I'm a little worried for my health, I've been smoking so much pot lately. I let my mouth get so dry that I have multiple sores, and my back teeth are starting to become incredibly sensitive. I've gone from smoking half a bowl every once in a while, to two bowls a night. My stash used to last a month, now it lasts two weeks. It gives me chest pains from chain-vaping, and probably from inhaling so much butane and being totally dehydrated. It makes me feel confident, it makes me feel interested in things. Everything. I want to buy everything, I want to collect everything, I want to learn everything. I get so motivated to do all these great things. But they're fantasies. I never do the things. I won't practice embroidery, I'll just stare at my mountain of string and go back to my phone. Without weed, I can't sleep, I don't like anything, I want to be alone. I'm a total bitch, I don't care about anything, absolutely selfish. I mostly fantasize about going to therapy. I want to talk about myself all the time, I want people to hear me and know me. Not that there's anything to know, and I don't have the energy to contribute to the relationship. Not my marriage, that's totally fine somehow, but literally anyone else. I don't care about anyone. There is something really wrong with me 12:25 p.m. - 2019-11-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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