All of my ramblings on one site

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With this trunk of ammunition too, I'd end my days with you

I think I'm starting to not really care so much anymore. I mean this in a postive way of course. I was talking to Alyssa last night and we were just talking about break up stuff, because her and her boyfriend just broke up. And we talked about what if me and Luke broke up. I said I wouldn't want to hang on to it for ever, and I was just thinking of ways to let go. Not that I'm waiting for it to happen, just a plan I'm making up now for later use if needed. That's all. It gave me a bit of hope I guess you could call it. I felt stronger.
Yesterday I had the greatest urge to press play on my suicide roll. I'm unsure why but I was scared of talking to Luke. Scared of his judgment I guess. But I just let go. And I felt better. I still wanted to cut but not as intensly.
Another reason I feel a bit stronger is because this morning I saw Luke walking with Shannen, and I think I wanted to be mad, just out of habbit I guess, but I wasn't. I pretended I was and realized I was just being stupid, but really I wasn't angry or upset at all. I felt like, lifeless o.O Maybe I just don't really give a damn anymore. I hope it's not a passing phase. I don't want to not like her but I really can't help it. She's whatever, I don't care.

Today's the last day of school. It's so short and boring. I feel like I'm wasting it. Like it's some huge deal. There's really nothing to do. I don't talk to many people who decided to come today. I really only came because I wanted to see Luke and Jessica. Plus it's a half day, so whatever.

9:29 a.m. - 2009-06-10

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The past the present, and the future